With knowledge comes suffering

I miss my childhood but I'm also longing for freedom. That's a paradox right there. Growing up has different kinds of suffering. The people i've known my entire life are changing or maybe i'm changing. I don't feel like i've changed at all but of course when i look back at my 2 year old self i realize that's a whole different person. You have to let go of things as you get older whether you want to or not. Like people. Your family gets old and dies or you go away to collage and leave all your friends. Or you say goodbye to your childhood familiarities, like sleeping, due to the fact that there's no time in highschool and collage. I've learned procrastinating is bad. I've learned not sleeping is actually painful. I've learned stress makes your head pound. I've learned so many lessons that i forget some of them and then i have to learn them all over again. I think being a teenager is so difficult because we don't know what to do with our lives or which direction to take them in that we end up going backwards. But that's part of growing up- we live and learn and mess up and have our own experiences. All that prepares us for the real world.